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Have you heard of the golden 5:1 ratio?
Turns out that this is the ratio that determines whether you have a positive or negative relationship with someone in your life.
I know I DEFINITELY want to have a positive parenting relationship with my child, and I bet you do too!
What makes 5 so special?
Well, it turns out that parents are human.
If you’re like me, you try your best to be a good mom which includes being loving, patient, kind, and empathetic. All qualities that I hope my daughter learns by watching me.
Parenting with the 5:1 Ratio
Sometimes it just doesn’t happen. I mess up.
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Hey, no mom is perfect, right? And that, in itself, can be a teaching moment.
Because she’s going to mess up too.
By showing her how to repair relationships that she has damaged (and that being human is going to happen, even to mommy) I can teach her an invaluable life skill. The 5:1 ratio is a great way for me to help strengthen my relationship with my daughted and teach her to be better at relationships in her future.
So…where does the number 5 come in?
Well, researchers have shown that for every 1 negative interaction we have with someone, we need 5 positive interactions to tip the scales back to an overall positive relationship.
What does 5:1 ratio mean in a parenting relationship?
It means that when we damage the relationship with our child that we need to make a repair and do it as soon as possible. We all remember those little breaks in a relationship that turned big because something small was allowed to fester and grow because too much time has passed.
We don’t want that with our kids.
So, as soon as you can sincerely apologize to your child for your mistake – do it. Explain what you did wrong, why, and that you’re sorry. So it may look something like – “I’m very sorry that I yelled at you this morning. I got very frustrated when you threw your crackers on the floor because I had just cleaned and we have company coming over soon. It was wrong of me to yell at you and I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?”
Then do something to get each other laughing and reconnecting at least 4 more times (want some ideas? Grab our
The 5:1 ratio will help you build a positive and loving relationship with your child while also teaching them about relationships, mistakes, and healthy ways to resolve conflicts.
And, hopefully, when the kids are all grown up, they’ll still want to hang out with us because we’ve built a happy and loving relationship with them.
That’s the ultimate parenting goal after all, isn’t it?
Children who we like and want to be friends with as adults and who feel the same about us.
My favorite books to help build these relationships:
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